the adventures of death-face and his smart arsed parrot: the drill

death face had just bought a new end table from IKEA. it was large and white and sat in its box in pieces.
death-face tried to assemble it, but no matter how much he screamed at it or what he threw at it, it stayed flat in its box. even when he spat at it and gave it the cold shoulder it lay there, passive agressive, taunting him.

death-face was desparate as he reached into the box to find the instructions. 'take piece 1 and join it to piece 2', said the instructions. 'what the fuck' said death-face, 'i dont understand this', speak english you foriegn alien, go back to sweden.

sudenly a great idea struck death-face. he went into the garage and returned with his largest power drill. it was 5 feet wide and 5 feet high. he started to drill at the pieces, and was pleased to find that instead of the loud buzzing sound he had expected from a drill of this size, a pleasent tinking sound eminated from it. five minutes later, when the table pieces still lay gloating on the floor, it dawned on death-face that it wasnt actualy a drill he was using to assemble his table, but a piano. he set it on fire and threw it out the window.

death face was despondant. he needed to sleep and forget his worries. normaly he would take one sleeping pill if he wanted to sleep for one night, so logicly if he took 37, he would be asleep for 37 nights, which would be sufficient time for him to get over his failiure. he conumed the whole packet, not bothering to take the pills out of their foil and plastic wrapping.

19 DAYS LATER

a ghostly figure hovered above death-face. "how many fingers am i holding up" said the parrot. "5" replied death face, "no" replied the parrot, "4 fingers and a thumb".
"stop being such a smart arse" said death face, "and you dont even have thumbs, your a parrot". the parrot left the room in a huff.

with a pang of anguish, death-face saw the end table. rage engulfed him so he set the pieces on fire and threw them in the bin. unfortunately his bin was made of lighter fluid, and when the burning table pieces hit it, it erupted in a ball of flames which death-face then threw out the window.

THE END.